Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
