Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
