Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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