hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
