I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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