I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Randomize
