It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
