Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
