I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
