i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
