I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
