I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
