I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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