Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
