As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
