Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize