Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
