girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize