I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
