addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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