You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize