You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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