My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
