So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
