I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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