My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
