wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
