so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
