Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
