Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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