does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
