You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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