Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
