I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
