Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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