It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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