I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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