Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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