Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
