you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Success! We fucked roommates!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
