its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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