he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
