u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
