You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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