it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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