im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
