doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
