Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
farters have to be the big spoon...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
