I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
