i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize