sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
