Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
