What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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