Welp...herpes.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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