a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
