Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
