not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
