Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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