I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
