Where did you get a picture of my penis
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
