My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
