how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize