Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
