i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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