It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
