1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
