I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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