Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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