Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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