Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
