i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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