Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
