Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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