Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
