Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
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