3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
