i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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