You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
