oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
