That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he thought i was a dude.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
