sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
