Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
