I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
